Punctuality is a virtue, unless you're the boss, then it's a suggestion, which is why I'm here to apologize for being late, sincerely, while my colleagues are busy redefining the concept of patience as a myth.
My boss says being late is like a snowflake, unique and annoying, but I think it's more like a fingerprint, it's a part of who you are, and sometimes it's smudged, which is why I'm apologizing, not for being late, but for being a human being with a faulty alarm clock and a penchant for hitting the snooze button.
Colleagues are frustrated, and rightfully so, but I think their anger is misplaced, like a misplaced modifier in a sentence, it changes the meaning of the entire thing, which is why I'm saying that being late isn't always disrespectful, it's just a lack of respect for the clock, not the people, unless you're late to your own funeral, then it's just rude.
Being on time is like a mathematical equation, it requires precision and attention to detail, but being late is like a poem, it's an art form, it requires creativity and a willingness to take risks, which is why I'm here, to apologize for my lateness, and to propose a new equation, one that takes into account the variables of traffic, and public transportation, and the human condition.
I'm late to my own funeral.
My boss is a chicken. He crosses the road to avoid meetings.
Colleagues are frustrated. They've been waiting. Tap tap tapping on their desks.
My apology is sincere. I was stuck in a time loop. Reliving the same 8 minutes.
The door swings open, a sigh of paper rustles, the fluorescent hum stutters like a nervous drum—there he is, sneakers squeaking on carpet, cheeks red, eyes doing the nervous tango with the clock, “I’m sorry, I—” he starts, pauses, swallows the apology like a gulp of cold espresso, then pours it out, “—I got stuck in traffic, the elevator, the… the whole universe conspired like three angry pigeons pecking at my schedule!”
Col
No judges here — The Show doesn't rule, it reacts. Applaud as many acts as you like; the loudest room wins.